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Chip and Cern Show

Aug 4, 2016

If you are looking for all things Chip and Cern you need to head to This episode the guys will cover getting around the rules, rule skirting and stories about getting around the rules. 
Chip has two dogs and one of those is named Ari who is now 9 years old. The dogs cost about $80-100/night for having the dogs boarded, so that isn’t cheap. Cern is getting a dog soon much to his chagrin. Cern isn’t a dog person. If Chip and his wife are only gone for a night or two they will bring the dogs with them. Some hotels charge a pet rent per night. So Chip finds hotels that are dog friendly, so it won’t look suspicious when there is a dog around to save the money per night.
Cern when he travels deep with his full squad that is 6 deep, so he will just say it is him and his wife to avoid the additional person fee. 
Chip and Cern Pro Tip: Go to a hotel that allows dogs, so that they will not be suspicious, but don’t check in your dog.
Chip and Cern are drinking the Anchor Steam Go West! IPA. 
Chip and Cern used to HATE on IPAs calling them Indian Pale Ass because they were so hoppy. Then they got into an IPA phase. Chip is off the IPA train for now cause everyone went too far with the hops. IPA isn’t for the summer BBQ it is for the winter months. For BBQs Cern opts for Tecate, Coors Light, but NOT Bud Light. 
Chip stayed in MidTown Sac at the Sheraton and for a dog it was an extra $75 bucks for the room and they have two dogs. So Chip stayed at the hotel for 2 days and would take the dogs in and out with no issue what so ever. As they are cleaning the room out and preparing to leave the dogs start barking and making a lot of noise. The hotel phone rings and the front desk lady asked “Are there dogs in there?” whilst on the phone someone knocked at the door the dogs started barking and Chip just said “we are leaving right now.” Chip checked his credit card statement a few days later and they ended up charging him the dog hotel fee. Cern suggested that Chip should have claimed that a friend was visiting that had a dog.
Cern brings up Chip’s bachelor party. The details are few and far between. Cern and the gang sprung for the nicest suite that Reno had to offer. Cern told the front desk lady that only two people were staying in the room. There was in fact 8 rowdy gents there and one special guest of honor. The boys were enjoying “casual” drinks and playing some music before the party even got started when floor neighbor came by knocking on the door asking the party to keep it down. Tony yelled out “fuck you it is Reno and it is 8pm at night.” The lady left in disgust. All the guests had arrived. The handle of Ketle One was polished off. The entire spa bathtub was filled with beers and ice. Chip was very nervous about what he knew would happen, so he was drinking a little more than everyone else. Cern said he was also nervous. 
One the drive up to Reno there was bets taking place over what the pubic hair stylings of the guest of honor to the party. Chip knew he would need to be loose to be ready for anything that would happen that evening, even if it was seeing Cern’s ball sack. If someone sees Chip’s ass or dick it can’t be a problem, so everyone was really getting after it. Before the guest of honor arrived the handle was already finished. 
The 2nd time the room got a knock everyone was a bit more fucked up. SportsCenter Top 10 was one and everyone was yelling about the great plays. 
Chip recalls that he had never been in such a nice hotel room with TVs all over the place in the bathroom. Reno is like baby, baby Vegas. About 1/10th of Vegas. If you are from NorCal and don’t want to head to Vegas you hit up Reno. 
About 10:30/11p the guest of honor showed up. Chip tried to say they weren’t that loud, but Cern recalls we were pretty fucking loud. For the 3rd time the hotel security knocked on the door and told the room to knock it off, Cern told him OK, the door was shut and the party was back on.
A hour later not one, but TWO security guards came back to tell everyone to knock it off. The guest of honor was hiding and Chip had checked out for a nap. He need to recharge the batteries. 
Chip and Cern had just turned 21. Chip was so impressed cause all his friends pooled together his money because they were broke as fuck. Once Cern found out that Chip was going to propose he called up Tony and told him to start saving his money. Chip was the first one in the group of friends to get married, so everyone wanted to really blow it out with a big party. 
Chip remembers an exact convo that happened and it sounded awesome, but nobody had the money to get it done. The boys had just got done playing in a softball game and they went up right after. The most responsible person drove all of the slapdicks up whilst most people had road sodas on the way up. 
When the room was booked it was only supposed to be 2 people there. Chip was still napping. The security guards came up for a 4th time and this time there was 4 of them. This is in the early am hours maybe 1 or 2pm. They said if they have to come back again they are going to boot everyone from the room. Cern went downstairs in a drunken haze to talk the front desk out of kicking the party out of the room. 
After the guest of honor left, everyone, minus Chip, went downstairs to gamble and Cern got back around 5am. They went to Johnny Rockets with a nasty hangover. Cern did NOT incur any surcharges for all the hoopla that was caused. 
Stat-boy Dana just got engaged, so there will be something similar to his event. Well at least with a similar guest list. Now that we are further along with our careers we can afford to pay off said security guards to keep it on the DL. 
Chip recalls a certain scene, where he recalls realizing that the guys there are his true friends. 
Chip did some new rule skirting in LA when he was traveling a few weeks back with the whole family. They got one of the hotel cribs for the kid, but Chip couldn’t set it up. It wasn’t safe for the kid to sleep in, so the next morning Chip and his wife went to Target to buy one of the cribs. They picked one of them and his wife was in check out with the crib and Chip went over to the returns department and asked about the return policy which was 90 days. Chip set the crib up, kept the box, receipt and the kid slept in it for  a few nights. Before their flight back to SF he boxed it back up and returned it to Target and got his $50 back. 
Cern one ups Chip. He said he returned a used breast pump to Target and got a full refund. He played the role of dumb husband, who is following orders and got all his money back on his credit card as opposed to store credit which Target usually will try to give. 
Cern is ok with skirting the rules and going against them. Chip thinks it is ok in a one off scenario, but wouldn’t make a regular practice of it.
Chip has noticed that even Nordstrom has become a little more strict on their return policy. Cern thinks that they do something with your DL number and only give you store credit as opposed to a full refund.  
If you have skirted the rules let us know at Facebook, Twitter and email at
At Spring Training Chip and his wife were at the Giants game and they were giving out free tall cans of Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy an amazing beer. Chip went to go get a second one, and gave some smart ass answer and he was found out. So he fucked up and lost out on a beer. Chip then went back a 3rd time and they were still onto him. If you are trying to skirt rules, don’t try to oversell anything just do it, say thanks, and yessum and be on your way. 
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