Sep 1, 2016
Cern blasts out of the gate shouting RANT SHOW. His blood is
boiling and now he is full of piss and vinegar which is in his
Chip starts with a hobo story. In San Francisco there is a
homeless problem. Chip asks Cern what he subscribes to as far as
donating to the homeless. Cern will give his spare change to the
homeless if he has it. Papa Cern, who was born and raised in San
Francisco’s Hunter’s Point, always gave a good word of advice to
Cern. If you look at their shoes and they have nice, new shoes they
are lying about the state of their life.
Rarely do Chip and Cern have cash on them, so there isn’t much
change to give. Cern gets a beggar asking for change once even few
months. Chip is getting requests for money nearly 3-4 times a week.
Chip seems like a huge asshole, but he has a nice streak in him
sometimes, and he wants to help them out. Chip will never give any
money to homeless, one because he doesn’t have any cash on him and
two because he thinks they are just going to spend it on booze.
Sometimes if they are next to a Subway or food place Chip will ask
what they want from there and he will go in and buy them the food.
There is a really obese homeless that lived out where Chip used to
live. He wouldn’t accept pennies and had them out in a tray. Chip
just drove by there after not living in the area for 5-6 years and
the fat hobo was still there! It is always funny when homeless are
on their cell phones.
Chip bought a homeless guy a sandwich once from Subway and
asked the guy what he wanted. He said turkey with lots of mayo and
Chip was grossed out by the mayo. When they were making the sandy
and watching the mayo get squirt on it really grossed out Chip. It
was a triple spout mayo squirt out almost barfed looking at them
San Francisco idiot tourists give cash 5 or 10 bucks and the
homeless people will say “you don’t have a $20?” Pretty bold
request from someone from begging for money.
Chip finally gets to his story. He is driving home and on
Mission & Van Ness in San Francisco, which is a very busy
intersection. There is a guy standing there with a sign that reads
“Starving’ Like Marvin” which is pretty funny, so Chip felt like
giving him some food, but didn’t really have anything to pass to
the guy. He did have a Clif Bar in his arm rest which a perfect 250
calorie snack. He rolls the window down and offers the Clif Bar.
The homeless guys said “no thanks” and turned down the food. His
sign actually said STARVING and was offered food, but he turned
down the food. A real head scratcher here.
Chip sends a group text out to everyone venting about getting
turned down by the homeless guy. Chip and Cern feel that more often
than not they are spending the money on booze. The fun thing about
riding the Muni bus in San Francisco is the homeless drinking their
booze and talking all sorts for crazy shit.
If you have had some good homeless person stories tweet us at
Chip has a target story about when he and his wife were
waiting for one of the new iPhones and on the line at AT&T
Store in San Francisco. They were there at 7am at the crack of dawn
to get the new iPhone and a homeless person came by and was so
taken with Chip’s wife he offered her his wine that he was already
drinking off of. This was well before 8am and they set the bottle
down and the homeless person came back and took the wine from Chip
and his wife.
Cern’s rant isn’t homeless related. He works in an office
setting where he expects some rules to be in place. Cern needs his
coffee in the morning and the coffee situation is old school. Cern
gets in the office around 6:30am and sometimes there is coffee
already made but it is super thick motor oil thickness coffee.
These slap dicks don’t know how to make coffee proper and
that isn’t even Cern’s major rant. Cern’s first rant is about the
coffee bandit. Someone will take the coffee and leave just a paper
thin amount of coffee left. Cern knows that this is a woman because
of some detective work because this has caused him so much pain in
his life. He posted stake to wait for this person to leave the
coffee in the thing to call them out on their shit. Cern caught
this coffee bandit and called them out! They tried to play it off
that there was plenty of coffee left to use and this person still
hasn’t changed their ways.
Chip’s office has some of the pump coffee containers that when
they are out of coffee they will sputter and it is really obvious
when they need to be refilled.
Cern brought some Anchor Steam Brewing Go West! beer for this
podcast. Anchor Steam is in San Francisco and makes a great
Cern get’s roped into some of the office manager duties
sometimes. The office manager at Chip’s office is really good and
every week they will empty the fridge. Chip spotted a drink in the
fridge he wanted that has been in the fridge for a bit and was
gonna swoop. Then he saw it was expired 5 months ago and passed on
it. Cern hasn’t had any food stolen from him in the office. If you
are nice to the office manger it will go a long way.
At Cern’s office people will rant about how bad coffee is for
you whilst drinking Coke and they will harp on the fact that it is
all black and that isn’t good for your heart.
Chip is off on some tangent about junior collage taking a
child development class that was with 95% women and only a few
guys. Not sure why he was even taking the class but oh well.
Cern has another rant about conference calls and on this call
he was running point on it and leading the call. A FedEx driver
was trying to make a delivery and they needed some help. Cern
was trying to yell to the guy to get some help unloading. He kept
bugging Cern about opening the door and wanting Cern to leave his
desk to open the door for him and they got in some shouting match.
Cern more or less told the guy to fuck off to which the
guy/slapdick didn’t like. This FedEx driver has been back and isn’t
There has got to be things that bother you and we want to hear
about them. Email us at email@example.com
tweet us at @chipandcernshow.
Another thing that bothers Cern is the chicken shit emails
where people will cc their boss or someone’s boss on the email to
try to get some bull shit problem solved. Cern will give a few one
off emails and even a phone call to give them a heads up about
getting and update on the project. Cern’s office is full of not
very tech savvy people who write in ALL CAPS and five or six
???????? on the end of emails.
As always we appreciate you spreading the word with your
friends, coworkers, family and churchgoing community members.
The Hits v1
and The Hits v2
are a great into to the Chip and Cern
, so share those!
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